Interviews with Energy Practitioners
Toni De Palma is a local writer who has lovingly taken the time to interview several energy practitioners in our area. Together we thought we would publish these interviews in an effort to inspire our readers and give an inside perspective on the lives, processes and experiences of these practitioners. They will be published individually in our news letters over the next few months.
This months interview is with Jennifer Kelder. Jennifer is a Reiki Master, Clairvoyant and card reader, she is also the proprietor of New Earth Healing Gifts. Please enjoy this open and honest interview .
Tell me about yourself…
I feel like the general theme of my work is to help people learn to love themselves. Imagine a world where love ruled and egos, dissension and separation were out of it. You see, we can only give what we have inside. So, the level of self-love and respect that you have for yourself is really all you can give out. The way the world has been, along with our conditioning, and our personal history has led us all to believe that there’s something wrong with us and that we are “less than” and someone else is more important, someone has more authority, someone’s bigger than you. We are all important. Yes, maybe someone has more knowledge in the area of business, but maybe someone else knows how to build a garden. We all have our individual gifts, but one doesn’t make any other greater or less than.
My job is to help people understand that they are Divine Beings and that we all deserve respect from ourselves and from other people. We have lifetimes to sort out. We need to look at our energy. If our energy is down in a hole, we need to look at why we are in that hole and why do we think we should remain in that hole. What can we do to make our lives better and how can we do more loving things for ourselves? That, in turn, allows you to help others.
What do you think about the way love is presented in our society?
It’s not real.
What is your definition of love?
Love is about understanding your self-worth, as well as treating others as you would want to be treated. Love is a respect, a kindness, and an openness. Openness is really important because the heart needs to be able to give and receive fully. This requires you to let your own defenses down, all the while being present for someone and without any restrictions in the giving and the receiving. We hold back for fear of being vulnerable.
Why do you think that people hold back from loving?
Holding back and not allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, could be reflective of our self-worth issues. Allowing is primary and the only reason we don’t allow is fear. Fear is the opposite of Love.
Where does fear come from?
Fear is built into our humanity and into our DNA. As primitive man, our fear was necessary for our survival. We needed to develop our judgement in order to discern what was and wasn’t safe, the purpose of which was to keep the human body alive. We took it to another level where we became afraid of each other. This was a distortion that happened over time. I don’t think we were created to be afraid.
Fear also comes from the thought that we are separate from God. What I believe is that we are from God and also that we are God “Expressing him/herself as an individual”. If we understood that we are our own creators, there would be no fear. Along the way, however, that knowledge was lost.
If you love yourself and are completely content, you want that for everyone. There is no fear.
How did you personally come to this belief system? Was it always something you knew as a child? How was your childhood?
I grew up in an alcoholic home. There was no physical abuse, but there was emotional abuse. It was not comfortable and, like so many Healers often say, I felt like an alien in my family. I felt like I didn’t fit in and I couldn’t understand why people could hurt each other.
As a child, I also had thoughts such as, why do we need to compete for land, food, and other opportunities? Wasn’t there a way to share all of these so that everyone could have their needs met? I wouldn’t call myself a Flower Child or a Hippie, but some of those ideas made so much sense to me.
In high school, I continued to feel different. As my friends were striving, I didn’t understand why a person needed a college degree to be something. I didn’t want to go to college, but rather, I wanted to be a mother and wife. In my opinion, to be a good mother and wife was one of the best things you could give to the world.
Were you criticized for taking that view?
Oh, yes! Women’s Lib was really taking a foothold and people questioned why I didn’t want a career. I was actually at a college graduation party one time and, the mother who was hosting the party went around and asked each person to announce what college they had graduated from. I hid in the back of the room, but someone said, “What about Jennifer?” The woman started to stutter.
I did complete two years of college, choosing to study food and nutrition since I thought it would be helpful to raising a family. But it didn’t make sense to me to go to work, just to make more money, and buy more things.
How did you come to terms with the struggle between what you valued versus what the “world” was telling you you should be doing?
Within my soul I always knew that what I was doing was right for me. It’s not that I didn’t care what society thought – after all, I was raised with gobs and gobs of judgment – so my ego did worry about what people thought. As I got older, that became less and less.
Also, my mother’s family immigrated to the United States from Italy and her siblings, with the exception of my mother, didn’t make it beyond the eighth grade. My aunts and uncles were all entrepreneurs and, ironically, died quite wealthy. That always reminded me that you didn’t need a piece of paper to be successful in the world. The bigger question for me was when are you successful as a Human? To me that meant being a kind and loving presence.
So, you became a mother?
Yes, I had three children. My second child was born two months premature. He is thirty-years old now and multiply-handicapped. Over time, I came to look at my son’s challenges as a gift because his needs kept me grounded and out of the ways of the world as far as my perspective on the world, which was already different. His health issues over the years made me see what was truly important and allowed me to let go of the small stuff. And it all became small stuff because nothing was bigger than your child almost dying.
I believe my son agreed to be my son and that the circumstances of his life formed my view of life.
Which is what?
I believe that this life we are having is a gift and, while it shouldn’t be diminished, it is only a small piece of who we are. As a little kid, it seemed odd that we could have a complicated life and that when it was over it was over. What was the point of that? So from when I was a child, I believed in reincarnation. However, what I’ve come to believe since is that we are actually having multiple lifetimes all at once.
Since I adopted that belief, it’s made this life a little bit easier. I see that, in this lifetime, I am working out a certain set of lessons and this life is giving me a certain set of circumstances with which to do that. But this life and these circumstances are not who I am. Yes, it is something I am going through and experiencing, but it doesn’t define me and it is not all that I am. This has helped me relax. If I don’t get it perfect, it’s okay.
I love that you said it is not who I am because we certainly get caught up in the labels we give ourselves and the circumstances in which we find ourselves. When those things are removed from us for a variety of reasons, it can shatter that sense of who we are.
Well, I have a great story about that…
As I said, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. A year ago, my husband of thirty-five years announced that he didn’t want to be married anymore. Because I had so heavily identified with being a wife – his wife – and a mother, it shook me to my foundation and made me ask the question Who Am I Really?
You struggled with this even though you knew there was more to you?
Yes, even though I had my healing work and I knew I was more than a label, it was still a struggle. Ironically, in my work, I coached women that they should take care of themselves, telling them that, if they’re not happy, no one can be happy. I reminded them not to put everyone else before them, but that is exactly what I had done.
I still value those roles, but know that it is not all of who I am. By putting everyone before me, expecting way too little from others, and allowing way too much, I wasn’t demonstrating love for myself. Through this experience I am learning to love myself more than I did. Now, a year later, I see that this experience had to happen in order to shine a light on how I’d been limiting myself and my energy. Being a wife and mother is a part of my role here on Earth.
What you describe is a perfect example of being cast out of the comfortable and familiar, which then forces us to take a harder look at who we truly are. It’s illuminating.
Oh, yes. Unless you’re a child who’s being abused, I think that, as an adult, it is our responsibility to take a look at how we have contributed to a situation. We need to ask ourselves what part did I play in this situation, rather than to blame. Ultimately, we all have choices and our journey on Earth is to find our own power again. Self-love and self-empowerment are really the same thing.
If we want to do this – and we have to want to do this – our lifetime is spent peeling those layers back that told us that we are not valuable or that we don’t have power somehow. And when you do this work, sometimes it comes at a really high price.
What do you think stops a person from taking that responsibility?
Fear. It’s all fear. And that’s why I didn’t speak up in my marriage before. I did in little steps over the years. I became more vocal about my needs and what was acceptable or not but my fear was that, if I pushed it too far, he would leave. So, I hid my light and hid myself and my authenticity for fear of being abandoned.
And yet he left anyway…
And yet he left anyway. That was the biggest eye opener. Excuse my French, but…You, Mother F*^ker! I thought I was doing it all right and giving him the best and it still wasn’t good enough. What I realized was that it wasn’t good enough for him. But I was good enough. For me!
I’m now rounding that corner of the hurt, because I do feel I gave it my best.
I’ve found that what we view as perfect is different than what actually is perfect. Can you speak on this?
I believe that everything is in Divine and perfect order, whether it looks good or bad. Had I stayed in the relationship, I would have not met my full potential. I see the perfection in how this happened. In Divine and perfect order, he played the bad guy and he’s doing his own work now and I’m doing mine. Did I like it? No, because sometimes it feels really bad.
Yes, the saying “It’s all good” is fine for t-shirts, but it doesn’t acknowledge the pain and discomfort, does it?
Yes, we have to acknowledge our emotional feelings toward the experience. To say better luck next time or you’ll get over it, doesn’t serve. We are supposed to experience everything fully, even if that means sometimes feeling really bad. It doesn’t mean that that’s how you’re going to stay or that you’re doomed for the rest of your life.
But, I must say, it did come as a shock. Also, because of my work.
The fact that I couldn’t fix this or effect a different outcome for this really bothered me because I was always a fixer. What I learned is that you can’t fix anyone, nor should you try to fix anyone, but you can be a loving presence for them. That is what I think a healer is.
Again, we have to be that loving presence for ourselves first. Then, if someone is open and would like you to help them, you can be a loving presence for them. If they’re not ready to do their work, nothing you can offer can be effective. You can be an example, but they have to do their own work.
Healers don’t heal others. We can companion someone else, offer a mirror, kindness and compassion, but we all have to do the work to heal ourselves. And being open to love and light is what heals.
Do you have any advice for a person who wants to begin the healing process?
Self-examination is the biggest thing. If you can’t see what the problem or the story is, there’s no hope. If you’re blind to it, nothing is going to change. As you do the work, you have to chip away at old conditioning. Sometimes it’s just a ghost, not really how you feel anymore, but rather the old story that is running in the background and that is familiar. That is what we are all clearing out, that old story that is so ingrained in us that, even though our minds think differently, it still comes up.
Clearing the body of the old conditioning is something I’ve really been focusing on in my work.
We’ve been talking about that part of you that was a wife and mother, but clearly you have been on another journey as well. Tell me about your work.
All my life, I had always been interested in ghosts, the pararnormal and near-death experiences. As I was raising my family, I read a lot on these and other related topics. I was always interested in what was happening “behind the scenes” so to speak.
As a teenager, I was also intuitive. I would hear stories in my head.
What do you mean by stories?
I would know things about people. I would hear stories about them, their situations, their feelings. I was very good at reading people. A person could be smiling at me and I would know that there was something behind the smile and that the person was hiding their true emotions.
Sometimes, I’d sit on the beach and watch people walk by and I’d get a whole story in my head about them. To figure out if I was just making the stuff up, I started questioning people. I’d do it casually. For instance, if I got the feeling that the person liked purple or there was a connection with the color purple, I would mention that I had something that was purple and they’d say, Oh! I love purple! Purple is my favorite color! By doing this, I discovered that I was right on with a lot of stuff.
My intuition seemed to be more fine-tuned to tapping into a person’s emotional issues. I could see what a person had gone through and where their pain was.
One of my brothers came for a visit one day. He’d been to a class that he described as energy work. He asked me if I’d like to see what he’d learned. I laid down on my floor and he proceeded to do Reiki on me. As he did, he asked if anything was coming to mind. Without thinking, I blurted out, “I’m going to help heal people with my hands.” I had never had that thought before.
A few weeks later, a friend asked if I wanted to attend a Reiki class with her. At the time, I didn’t know what Reiki was and I certainly didn’t have the hundred and eighty-five dollars to pay for the class, but something inside of me nudged me to go to the class. Two days before the class, a check came in the mail for the exact amount I needed. It was a refund we hadn’t been expecting. As it so happened, I attended all four levels of the Reiki training and a check for the amount I needed and that we hadn’t been expecting, arrived in the mail just prior to each class. At that point, I realized that something big was happening and that I was being guided.
What strikes me most about your story is that you told the Universe what it was you intended to do. You stated aloud that you intended to heal others with your hands.
Yes, it was something I felt I needed to do. There was no thought involved.
So you continued following your intuition?
Yes, there wasn’t a lot of information around at the time. I didn’t even have a computer or the internet available to me. Most of it came from my internal guidance system, pushing me to look here and there. And I always did find the right piece of information or the right person.
One of these people was a woman who called herself a para-psychologist. She served as a mentor for me over the next three years. What I got from that experience was the beginning of my real healing from those childhood blocks/wounds that I carried. This would take many years and is still ongoing.
I was also offering Reiki sessions to others. Because the energy of Source is channeled through the practitioner during a Reiki session, I was also receiving the benefits of Reiki during these sessions. During Reiki, high vibrating energies shake up those lower vibrating energies, bringing them up to the surface so that they can be seen. This gives the person an opportunity to decide how or if they want to process it.
When you say a person can decide, is it conscious?
Sometimes we clear unconsciously. When you have a Reiki session, for instance, there can be healing/clearing by virtue of the fact that you’ve agreed to the session. But the more consciousness or awareness you bring to a session, the greater the depth because now you’re participating in the decision. It’s always up to the individual if they want to hold onto something or work to release. More often an issue is very deep and multilayered, requiring time and consistent work to clear it, rather than "one session and you're good to go", "all better now". Sometimes we do choose to hold onto somethings consciously or we are just not up for, not ready for the challenge of the work.
During this time, where were you in your life?
The years I was working with my mentor, I started teaching Reiki and I continued to read and study. As soon as my husband would go off to work and my children would go to school, I would sit on my couch, do Reiki on myself and then begin to read. I often felt as if I was hiding because it didn’t seem like a productive thing to be doing.
Hiding from who?
Hiding from my husband mostly. I didn’t think that he would understand or maybe he would think it was too weird or a poor use of my time. It was also my conditioning from childhood that you had to be "doing something" and usually that meant doing something for someone else. There was an internal push however, to keep digging because I wanted to understand how to identify a person’s problems and how to help them get through it. There was a strong drive in me to understand the human condition and to figure out how humans can be healthier and feel more whole. I couldn’t let go of it, I felt I was being guided.
As a result of being intuitive and doing Reiki and doing this work, I feel that my job now is to help people find their emotional blocks, decipher where these blocks come from, connect it to their behavior, and see what the real feeling is beneath the behavior so they can move forward. This seems to be my niche.
I imagine clients come to you with different levels of awareness. Are there those clients who come in, who have had therapy and who can identify their blocks, but can’t release it emotionally?
Yes. What I can offer someone like that is the energy to actually move the energy out of the body. For someone who is more aware, that is the next step. There’s a saying, your issues are in your tissues. The energy from our past emotional pain is stored in every cell of our body. When you release this lower vibrating energy, it creates more space to hold more light. More light means more awareness and higher vibration.
That is what we are all doing here now. We are dropping the lower density thoughts, feelings, memories and experiences that hold us down and, thus making room in the body to hold a higher vibration that then spirals up. The higher your vibration, the higher you reach and the happier and more joyful you feel.
Once that energy is released, is it released for good?
It’s that little tandem thing between the mind and the body. If you haven’t let go of the pattern mentally or emotionally, you keep recreating the same energy. Or, if you haven’t moved away from or corrected the situation that causes the thought, You can continue to recreate the energy until the emotional charge related to the situation is either reconciled or let go.
So our behavior and our thoughts are also very powerful and go hand-in-hand with the release.
Absolutely. We can’t separate out any part of ourselves. That’s why you can have all the talk therapy in the world, but if you don’t release it out of the body, it’s going to be this underlying program that is running in you that can make you feel sluggish, depressed, tired, and unhappy. The body has its own consciousness, but the mind is the awareness. Awareness is the first step, then releasing it from the body, and finally working toward not recreating it.
And we recreate because human beings like familiarity?
Yes, and because change is scary (there is that word fear again). That is why I see my current situation with gratitude at this point, because had I stayed in the familiar, I would have never moved past that place. And now I feel that I am growing in leaps and bounds. And if we are truly God, there are no limits, only those our minds create from fear.
There are a few gems I picked up about the word fear. One is, FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real. Also, FEAR is the absence of trust in God. We give fear the power to limit us.
How did you gain the courage to come out of hiding, so to speak?
Interestingly, many healers have cellular memory of being either killed or punished or tortured for having psychic gifts. That program does run under the surface. It’s literally carried in our DNA and it keeps some of us down a bit. I’ve had some past life regression experiences and I’ve had memories of being persecuted for my psychic abilities. I feel safe enough now, but I continue to work on being okay with coming out fully. My husband was a Deacon in the Catholic church and, while I didn’t hide what I did, I did keep it on the down-low. But I’m going for it now and not censoring myself anymore.
When I hear the word authenticity, I think all the way back to my Divine Self. That is my authentic self. That’s who I would like to be on the planet. I’m still human. I still have hurts and I’m still letting go of some of the past year. I’m not perfect as a Human, but I’m doing the best that I can and immersing myself in this work.
When I interview someone, I’m listening for their story and for me, a story has a beginning, a middle and an end. So, when I think about the story you told me about the woman who was hosting the party and how that moment appeared as if you were going “nowhere”, I have to laugh because you now own a store in town. It’s on Main Street, right in the center of your town. That’s a pretty prominent place to put a business, is it not?
That was absolutely the message that I got from my Spirit Guides. We needed to become mainstream. The more people that saw it, the less scary, the less weird it would be. I was nervous in the beginning, but the more I do what I’m doing, the more I realize that this is what I’m supposed to do.
So, you were going somewhere, after all…
Yes, my somewhere.
Can you tell me about your childhood?
I am the product of Serbian - former Yugoslavia - immigrants. My father was a World War II Chetnik fighter. He was a Colonial, who fought in the mountains against Tito (Yugoslav Communist President). At some point the regime kicked him out and he couldn’t go back, otherwise he would have risked being killed. My paternal grandmother walked five miles with some supplies for him – a ham, a shirt, and some bread – and told him to flee. Once the war was over, via the black market, he was able to survive and somehow managed to make it to the United States. Once in America, he ended up in a steel mill town in Pennsylvania. Eventually, he made it to Cleveland where he met my mother. My mother’s mother also came from Yugoslavia and was pregnant with my mother on the ship to America. The whole immigrant family had to keep their roots together in order to survive. I consider myself first generation American, which has its own unusual circumstances around it.
What do you consider those unusual circumstances?
It’s a mix of the DNA of Eastern Europeans and the unique characteristics of each of my parents, which was not fun, but not unforgiveable.
Tell me about your parents?
In his home country, my father was being raised to become a bartender and a restauranteur. When the war erupted, the war essentially became his identity. He was a product of an environment where there was a split between Serbians and Croatians and he was very, very angry. When he came to America, he had barely begun to start a new life when he broke his back. After that, he drank a lot and had great difficulty finding a way to help his family survive. Eventually, he did by befriending a gas station owner who sold scratch off lottery tickets. Because the gas station owner was not allowed to profit from the lottery tickets his station sold, the owner would provide the tickets to my father for free, and then the two of them would share the profits from the winning tickets. That is how we survived for years.
It was a crazy time for all of us. My father drank because he was depressed and my mother was also profoundly depressed. That is what I mean by the combination of factors of being Eastern European, which has its own unique culture and texture, along with the circumstances of the time in which my parents were born.
Were there other immigrant groups in your community at the time?
Back then in Cleveland there was a near east side and a near west side. For the first four years of my life, I was raised in a near west community that had a mix of Polish, Serbians and Russians. We had a Serbian-Orthodox church right across the street from where I lived. We moved when the church asked my father to work as the custodian for the church’s picnic grove.
This move took us a bit deeper into suburbia and we remained there for a year until the house burned down. But, during that year, both my father and I were in ecstasy because there were forty acres of trails for me to explore. My father enjoyed it because he got to go on a tractor and mow the lawn. The two of us were very happy. My mother was still doing the best she could.
You were having these quite dramatic experiences. What do you remember about how you perceived the world?
My first memory is of my mother sitting at the window, crying. That was my first strong hit as an empath. I tried to comfort her and that started the process of many, many years of trying to comfort. The four-year old child that I was began to perceive through the lens of depression and, what I didn’t know, was that I was becoming depressed.
But going into the woods was my saving grace. It helped to balance out the sadness.
And what did you experience in the woods?
And what did that feel like?
Ecstatic. It’s the closest I’ve ever come with a mirror of Divine reflection that had no agenda and just expressed Divine grace, ecstasy, awareness and a clarity about Its job. Each part of nature understands its identity. There is no question about how to get food or how it is going to survive. It just is. And that was a real major download for me. I’m sure I needed it because otherwise I probably wouldn’t be here. I don’t think I would have made it.
But then the house burned down and you had to leave the woods. You went back to Cleveland after that?
We did. We ended up moving to downtown Cleveland. It was cold and dark and scary. My mother was traumatized by the fire and my father didn’t have a clue as to what to do. One day, on my way to school, I got lost. It was just one trauma after another that continued to influence my reality and my perception that life is just a series of traumas (this is something that I am still trying to clear).
I’m sorry…did I answer your question?
I’m sorry. It’s so rare that I get to communicate like this. I’m always the one listening…and I love listening…it’s my job, you know? To have an opportunity like this is unusual for me.
So, I’m imagining you as a little girl walking the streets of Cleveland alone. Did you have siblings?
One brother. Two years younger.
Did you also feel responsible for him?
At the time, I did. I don’t remember much because everyone was traumatized. I do remember walking with him to school and getting lost. I had to track down a mailman to get directions. I don’t remember much about my brother in those years. We were mostly tethered to each other for the purpose of survival because that is what we did as a family unit. I was trying to get cues on who I was and what I was supposed to be doing based on their confusions.
As you got older, did you find solace in other things the way you had found in the woods?
Some years later, we ended up moving to a suburb close to where the picnic grove was. So by that age, I was back and again had the chance to spend time in the woods. I’d climb trees, wander around, ate berries. And I connected. At that age, I didn’t recognize it as an inner spiritual experience. It helped me to keep going because everything around me continued to be riotous and atrocious.
From childhood to adolescence, what was your life like?
One teacher took an interest in me. She made me feel as if I had some version of meaning. I was involved in Junior Olympics and this teacher would take me to Junior Olympics training. It was an experience where I felt contained by somebody. In terms of the old Earth intelligence level, I was intelligent. Looking back, I probably tried to receive love by promoting my intelligence. It helped. However, my personality is such that, when it gets frightened or overwhelmed, I get a little bristly and I noticed that I didn’t fit in or become connected to my school community.
Did it make it difficult to make friends?
I’ve had friends, but basically the whole friend thing is confusing to me. It’s probably some kind of core wound that I’ll never understand. I’ve had friends, in different degrees, my entire life. I do believe I’ve been a disappointment to people and a lot of it is the overlay of depression that would ebb and flow and cause confusion for people because they wouldn’t know how to be around me.
When did you become interested in the work you do today?
The awareness that I am a Divine Being began early. In my church, there was a curtain. As a small child, I was in my father’s arms and I pointed to the curtain and asked what it was. My father said it was God. When he put me down, I started running down the aisle of the church trying to get behind the curtain because God was there. There was something triggered in the word God that made me think, Oh! This is it! So, even as I grew, there was always this sense of something beneath it all, that also kept me going.
It sounds as if there were two layers of existence for you. The family, the going to school and the everyday world was one layer and then the other layer being the Knowingness.
They were separated out for a long time. Because the world is so dualistic, they did appear polarized. When I had the reflection of Divinity, I was at home in that field. And when I didn’t have that reflection, I existed in the third-dimension school, just trying to figure out what to do, learning how to smoke cigarettes and causing all kind of trouble for myself, because I didn’t know what to do with an extremely depressed family. I acted out at a young age as a result, but the woods and the nurturing conversations with a few people helped me. So, yes, for a long time, they were separate.
You mentioned conversations with a few people sustained you. Who were those people and what were those conversations about?
I had a friend named Blue Jay. At the age of seven or eight, she and I would leave the picnics and wander around the woods. We would lay on our backs on a bank and we would talk to each other about whatever Divinity meant to a seven or eight-year old. It was very, very healing.
So, you found someone at a very young age that was validating you?
Yes. Blue Jay had her own version of what it felt like to be disenfranchised at an early age. And then we’d go into the woods and we would remake ourselves in some kind of Divine image through viscerally being in the woods with each other. We are still friends to this day and she continues to validate me. I adore her.
And then you had your teacher who validated you too, but in a different way?
Yes, my teacher made it possible to keep the personality on the planet.
As a young adult, did you remain with your family?
As soon as I could leave Cleveland, which coincided with my second year of college, I did. But, of course, I brought the whole identity with me. Unless we undo it, that’s how it goes, right? I got very, very wild during college, but I think that’s okay because I needed to.
What was that wildness serving?
It may have been an assertion that I wasn’t that condensed reality. It probably was the only way that I could assert ways to explore this reality aside from living it in a way that was completely conditioned. I don’t know if it worked, but, at the time, it was all that I understood.
What did you study in college?
I did a Bachelors and a Masters in Social Work and worked as a Psychiatric Social Worker in a state facility. Because I really thought that I’d end up institutionalized, I made a contract with God that, if I remained out of there, I would work as a Psychiatric Social Worker.
Given what you have experienced and your connection to Source, has that influenced your view of mental illness?
While I can’t speak for anybody else, I do believe there is both a beautiful and a horrible connection. The depression I experienced is a result of not being ensconced in my Divinity. What I understand now – a process that continues to this day - is that depression is a symptom of coming into a reality of not knowing who we are. As my identity formed more deeply into a true Source identity, the depression shifted and morphed.
During my time as a Social Worker, I loved my patients. I had an affinity for people who go in and out of this world and who don’t mentally understand this world and who are compromised.
Speaking of love… How do you define love?
Every opportunity that I have to gaze at another human being and enter a shared field that I know is the field of Oneness is what I recognize as love.
How did you transition from your work as a Social Worker to what you do now?
I married. My husband and I purchased twenty-five acres in a highly remote part of West Virginia. We built a cabin and we went off the grid. It was one of the most glorious experiences of my life.
Because of my confusion about being on the planet, I was addicted to smoking and drinking, but via a dream state, I met my spiritual teacher who helped me quit. It wasn’t easy. As I released my addictions, I went through a period of unfogging. I had the woods to do that. I would walk through the woods and just scream. Occasionally, a logger would hear me. The release of suppressed emotion helped me dismantle my strong aversion to being on the planet. Honestly, I still don’t do that well here.
As I got through that phase of my life, and the veneers began to drop off, things started to come together. I began to acknowledge that I am from elsewhere and that I have stellar consciousness along with my earth DNA. Things then started to click and I began to communicate with animals and feel deeply into other people’s realities.
Tell me about your spiritual teacher. You said you met him via a dream state?
A friend and mentor told me about Sai Baba (Sai Baba of Puttaparthi). She offered me a book about him, but I resisted, telling her that “I don’t do gurus”, because I had a great resistance to giving away my free will.
But one night, on my forty-sixth birthday, when there wasn’t enough wine in the cabin for me to get drunk, I had a lucid dream. I was dressed in white and dancing with a group of people, who were also dressed in white. At some point, I veered away from the group and, in a rage, I began beating a stick against the ground. One of the other people said, “What are you doing?” And I said, “I’m trying to figure out if I should go to Baba.” But I was furious because I didn’t want to give my free will away.
This first dream was followed by a second and, after that, began an egoic dismantling. Baba, accompanied by the smell of his incense that he was so well known for, showed up in the cabin. He was known to show up to people when it was time and we had a conversation. After that, he literally began to dismantle me.
In 2003, 2004 and 2007, I made three trips to India. This escalated the quickening process to help me understand that I am Divine and undo the false identities.
What does it feel like to undo false identities?
In my case, it was very hard and I’m still undoing the DNA of the ancestry that I was born into, which is poverty and depression and rage. I even married into poverty, continuing to play the whole thing out. Because it was so systemic and woven into every breath of my life, it was and still is very difficult to clear.
My job though is to awaken and let Source use me.
How do you view your role today?
People are starving to communicate and, from a right brain perspective, as a person empties out, I can see where the wounds are. As a practitioner, there isn’t a lot for me to do other than to hold a space for them and allow their soul to orchestrate their world in a way that brings them peace, grace and solace. The room in which I do my work is also alive and so everything around the person I am working with permits the person to communicate. As they empty out, there is someone home to feel their spiritual presence. And once they begin to tap into that, even for a second, the brain creates a pathway that represents the Divinity and it makes it possible for that neural pathway to co-exist with everything else we think is us.
What was your early life like?
When I work with clients, I like to tell them that I’m a normal person. My childhood was pretty idyllic. I was the eldest daughter of six children and attended Catholic School for all twelve years of my schooling. Both athletics and academics were areas where I exceled. My success in these areas won me a college scholarship to a Division 1 college basketball program. In college, I continued to play basketball and majored in Accounting. After I graduated, I got a job at one of the then Big Eight accounting firms, moving up the ranks in the firm, and eventually meeting my husband. My husband and I both left the firm, got engaged and then got married. That’s when the story turned…
At the age of twenty-seven, I developed some health challenges. That’s when I was introduced to a non-traditional world. Up until that point in my life, everything had been very traditional – regular doctors, attend church on Sundays, etc…
Before you developed health challenges, had you ever questioned the “normal” or “typical” life you’d been living?
As for my life, no. Life consisted of friends and family and working.
However, as a Catholic, I did have a burning question in my mind. Having been educated in Catholicism, I was taught that Jesus died for our sins and I never understood what that meant. I accepted it, but I didn’t understand it.
What didn’t you understand?
If Jesus died for our sins, why did we still categorize ourselves as sinners?
You see, I loved being Catholic and valued my education as a Catholic. As a teenager, a group of us would go to the chapel after lunch. That seems quite remarkable to me now that my son is a teenager. Most teenagers wouldn’t spend their time doing that, but I felt a deep connection to the Blessed Mother and the saints. But the point that we were still sinners confused me. It seemed contradictory. I guess you can say I craved a closer connection and a closer understanding.
How urgent was this need to understand for you?
When I was young, not very. It was more a curiosity. I continued along living my life, going to school and playing basketball until my health challenge took things in a different direction.
The medical community couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. I began venturing into the area of, what was then referred to as, alternative, complimentary medicine. A woman at my local health food store educated me on supplements and introduced me to a chiropractor. This woman also introduced me to dowsing.
Can you tell me more about dowsing?
Dowsing is an ancient tradition. In American history, people would dowse for water, using a divining rod. The dowsing I was taught was for the purpose of physical health and determining what nutrients my body needed. By holding a pendulum from my hand, I learned to access my subconscious to determine what vitamins my body needed. The direction in which the pendulum swung communicated this to me.
Given your upbringing, did you resist or question this practice?
I totally embraced it. I was excited and amazed by it. By this time, I’d been exploring alternative medicine, had learned a great deal about supplements, and had even considered going back to school to become a Naturopath.
Something else that moved me along on my path was the passing of my grandmother. My grandmother was very much a presence in my life and when she passed, I wanted to understand what happened to her. Around that time, Embraced by the Light by Betty Eadie was published. Along with that book, I read other books on the topic of near-death experiences.
Fast forward in time, I was building my health, building my strength and continuing to take classes and reading. Through the health food store owner, I learned about a dowsing system called Spiritual Response Technique (SRT). In 1997, I took the class and that’s when the gates blew open! The class focused on accessing your Akashic records.
Akashic records are your soul’s records. Prior to this experience, I thought of God as a man with a beard, who resided in Heaven, surrounded by angels. The class exposed me to new ideas. I learned about reincarnation and about this place that has a record of everything your soul has experienced, not only in this lifetime but in all lifetimes. The class taught me how to access these records and go back into lifetimes. What I learned is that we run like a computer and we have programs that run and are triggered by experiences. Because there is no time or space in Spirit, you can go back and clear the programs of a particular lifetime.
I continued to study and immerse myself.
When someone takes a drastic departure from their usual path, it makes me wonder how it impacts the other parts of that person’s life. Can you tell me what was happening with the rest of your life at that time?
During the time I was having health challenges, I wasn’t able to work and the purpose of all my studying was for the goal of the betterment of my health, which was, in fact, steadily improving. But I also loved it. I was expanding my circle and meeting many new, like-minded, people. It didn’t change my life outwardly, except for the fact that my health was improving.
Did relationships stay the same?
With others, it remained more or less the same. However, the relationship with myself shifted. Before, I’d been very much focused on the external world and following rules and expectations, rather than asking what it was that Mary Jean wanted. It was my tendency to consider other’s first. For instance, as I was studying, I would find an article and rip it out if I thought it would help someone else. That’s fine, but this work has given me a more balanced perspective and I don’t dismiss my own needs or sacrifice myself in the way I used to. Essentially, that was what my health challenge was about, taking care of everyone else and putting myself last. Mind you, no one did anything wrong to me. Rather, my nature was a product of being the eldest child and how I interpreted my role. I thought that sacrificing for others was just how I was supposed to live my life.
Where were you in your life at this point?
My husband and I had been married for ten years. We moved to a new home and adopted our son. Deciding I wanted to focus on being a mom, I pulled back from my studies, but two friends would ask me to do SRT for them.
Prior to this, my studies had been about getting my health in order and helping friends and family. I never thought I would branch out and do this for other people.
How did you decide to share your work with others?
A friend who was working in another modality, reached out to me to support her efforts with clients.
What modality was she practicing?
What did it feel like to venture out and work with people who weren’t friends or family?
It was kind of amazing actually because I saw how it did effect people and have a positive impact. I have definitely been on a journey and it has been a joy to share what I’ve learned. That is the beauty of the work.
It sounds as if you were in-flow. You were meeting people and having experiences that led and encouraged you to take the next step.
Yes! One day, I was at the park and I met a woman who, like my husband and I, had an adopted child. Our children were what initially drew us to each other, but in conversation the woman introduced me to the teachings of Abraham.
Abraham? As in Abraham and the Law of Attraction?
Yes. At the time, there was a subscription service that offered CD’s with Esther and Jerry Hicks’ teachings about the Law of Attraction. I’d listen to the CD’s on my drives and I was blown away by the concepts of how you create your reality through your thoughts and what you focus on. The message really resonated with me and I continued to listen to those CD’s almost every day for fifteen years, absorbing those high consciousness and beautiful teachings.
But, I wondered…
Yes, I wondered. If you’re creating based on what you’re thinking and feeling, what about the person who has a soul vow? The person who has a soul contract? Or the person who has a program? This was my SRT training coming into play.
So a person with a soul vow, a soul contract or someone who is running on a faulty or dysfunctional program is not coming from a place of choice?
Yes, they’re not coming from a place of free will.
So, what does a person do to unstick themselves so they can make choices about what they want in their lives based on free will?
Clarity on this came to me when one of my mentors spoke about the concept of Tombstones, which Source had revealed to him.
Yes, Tombstone energies. These Tombstone are like rocks. On a soul level, every spiritual being having a human experience has these lower consciousness energies. There are thirteen of these discordant energies. They are Hate, Greed, Vengefulness, Unforgiveness, Toxic Shame, Self-Punishment, Guilt, Hate of God, Self-Destruction, Fatigue, Unhappiness, Unworthiness. The thirteenth Tombstone encompasses all of these together. We carry these energies at a soul level. What my mentor explained was that, at the current time, these energies could not be cleared, but instead could only be transmuted and turned into something positive. The idea that we weren’t able to completely clear these energies challenged me. I was consciously working on living my most expanded version of myself in alignment with Divine will. In every instance of my life, I would ask myself : “Is this a limiting thought? Is this how Source feels or thinks on this subject?” The answer was always in alignment with what I was learning from Abraham, the message that we can have, do, or be anything and that the only thing blocking us are our limiting beliefs.
One morning, I sat down to work on the Tombstone concept. I was in my study and, all of a sudden, I began to get a download of information and I understood that the Tombstones were like the rock that blocked the cave where Jesus was buried. That rock blocked Jesus’s way and when it was pushed out of the way, he was resurrected. The Tombstone energies we carry are like that rock. They are the things that leave us stuck in our cave, or in our dark places, so to speak. And I finally understood what it meant when it is said that Jesus had died on the cross for our sins.
How do you view it now?
I saw Jesus’s cross in a different way. That cross held all the programs, the lifetimes and the discordant energies (“sins”) and he died for our “sins” so we don’t have to. Jesus was a Master. He showed us how to be a spiritual being in a human body. But we are taught to focus on his crucifixion, rather than on his ascension.
His ascension is a reminder of what we can achieve, of our ability to roll away the discordant energies that block us?
Yes, as energetic beings, when we expand, we create a space that someone else can tap into. The universe grows. When I do my work and when I clear away my own blocks, my energetic field expands and I can then hold that higher vibration space which another may access. So this isn’t only about what we can achieve as individuals, but how we can impact other people as well. The goal is for us to embody SELF.
Notice that I spell SELF is spelled in all upper-case letters. That reflects when we are truly merged with Source and no longer have limitations to the abundance we can manifest. And once we manifest that abundance, others than find inspiration in what they too can achieve.
How do you define SELF?
It’s about you and me and us being the highest and fullest expression of ourselves aligned and connected Source. Each one of us can do this by expanding our consciousness. We do this not by focusing on what is wrong with us, but rather with what is right about us. We are magnificent beings! Look at the areas of your life where you are feeling less than magnificent and clear the beliefs that bring you down and cause you to make the lower energy choice. Remove the limitations to give you the free will to make the higher choice. Ultimately, it is this freedom that leads to ascension.
In 2014, SPIRIT guided Mary Jean to create a comprehensive spiritual-energetic clearing system for Ascension. This dowsing system is comprised of 4 sets of chart systems totaling 137 charts. The charts have been guided from the highest level of pure SOURCE Consciousness and direct the clearing of energies for allowing the becoming of one’s Ascended SELF.
Mary Jean currently hosts group clearing workshops, training of the Chart systems and private clearing sessions for the raising of vibrational frequency.
For further information please visit her website: www.givingfreedom.us
Email firstname.lastname@example.org or call/text 732-673-7437